From self hate to self love in 3 life changing steps.
If I can love myself, after experiencing such an extreme sense of self hate for so many years, then I truly believe that anyone can.
Self love doesn’t come easily for me, It never has, but every single day I make progress. That’s what matters. I work at it every day because I feel I deserve to be loved.
Along my journey to self love, I learnt that you to want your life to change, you have to work at it, and you have to trust your soul.
I didn’t used to care about finding self love, I wouldn’t have searched self love websites or read books about self love, because I honestly didn’t want to love myself. I didn’t feel I even deserved it.
After a working on my inner self, I now love who I am, I embrace myself, and this has allowed me to love others, and be a role model to my growing children.
For me my self loathing started when I was growing up.
I was my worst enemy, and my biggest bully. I hated my body, the way I looked, my hair, my voice, my life…everything. I had issues with food, body dysmorphia, depression, and anxiety. I was soon self harming and was suicidal all by the time I was 14. I was convinced I was no longer meant for this world. I thought so little of myself that I thought just being alive was actually harmful to the earth!
Today as I sit here, those past feeling of hate are so removed from who I am now, and how I feel about myself, I could be talking about a completely different person.
So how did I move from hating myself to loving myself?
- I discovered who I wasn’t. That voice in my head that told me I was fat, ugly, insane, unloved, alone, and not meant for this world, I discovered it to be the ego. The ego is a voice that so many of us mistake for ourselves. It’s a voice made up of past hurts, that replays over and over, especially when we are sad, angry or tired. In the past I would have let these thoughts grow into giant unmovable mountains of despair. Not anymore. Now I catch it, I am aware of the voice, and I don’t let it run my life. I practice detaching from it. This is awakening to our true selves. I still get days when I am tired, or out of my comfort zone, and the ego gets louder. Even writing this post, I hear it say...’Everyone’s going to think you are insane’, ‘you shouldn’t share personal things about your life’ ‘No one cares anyway‘ In the past this voice stopped me from living my life my way. It stopped me from being happy, and manifesting good things. I believed everything the ego said, because I thought it was who I was. But it wasn’t who I was. When I found it wasn’t me, I started searching for…..well… ME!
- I discovered who I was. I woke up! I I discovered I was a bright, beautiful soul, connected to the universal flow of energy. Once I found myself, and detached from the ego, there was no way I could ever hate myself again. It’s impossible because it’s the ego that hates and the soul that loves.
- I practice self love. Every single day of my life I focus on growing the love I have for myself. I practice self care. I make sure I look after myself, with healthy foods, sleep and vitamins. I do things that make me feel good. I also do things that make me feel scared, but in a good way. Like sharing parts of my life to help others. It scares me, but it feels right, and when I put myself out there and see i’m still alive and whole, I learn again that I am a valuable part of this world.
I’m still healing, and i’m still learning how to love myself more. I said and did some pretty horrible things to myself over the years, and then I covered it all over, shut the lid and tried to move on. However my soul keep nudging, urging me to lift the lid, and so when I was ready (as ready as you can be) I did. I realised that I had been holding onto hate for too long, it was ruining my life, keeping me stuck, drawing in negative experiences and people. I was READY for change.
To move forwards and live the life I wanted, I had to let go of the hate, and begin the healing journey of self love. It was scary, it was hard, and at times my ego became louder than ever. But I can promise you this…..
It was worth it. The more love I have for myself the better I feel, and the more good things, people and experiences I bring into my life.
Beautiful soul that you are, know this…..you are so loved already. When you let go of all that hurt that you have been carrying, you let light shine in. The universal light shines in and heals your heart and soul.
You deserve to feel loved, and it all starts with you, loving YOU! You are valuable, you are wanted and you are needed!
Love, light and healing,
P.S You don’t have to know the next step, you just have to be ready for change. This is where I started and how I discovered my purpose HERE